Wednesday, May 24, 2017

My Brain Hurts

So, with the big lay off at work, comes a myriad of headaches. New insurance, what to do with 401K, what to do with stock...learning how to be unemployed.

To clarify, I'm already on Medicare and collect Social Security. So, I have to keep those elements in mind while I'm sorting out everything else. Money will be tight so I'm  trying to work within a budget.

The last 6 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. I'm not going back to work, I think I mentioned before, I'm tired. 18 years is long enough to dedicate to a company I no longer trust. I admittedly cheer each time I read a post by someone they let get away, who have found another position outside the company. The former company's loss is the new company's gain. You don't throw away experience as rich as they have and not expect someone else to snap it up.

I have an amazing brother in law who is helping me to navigate through some of this. After spending pretty much the entire day on the phone, in email and in chat with him and an insurance company, I think I've found a health care plan that will provide me with the most benefit. I am so insurance illiterate and I warned the agent at UHC up front of that fact. She was an amazing help and I told her so.

My family is also being very patient. Steve keeps telling me, this is my time to do what I gotta do. Yesterday I got out of bed so depressed. Decided I needed to do something for me, so I went and got my hair cut short short. It's now slathered with mousse and spiked and I love it. LOL, Steve, not so much. 

You would think that at this point I would be past the anger, the frustration, the helplessness and vulnerability, but they sneak up on you when you aren't looking. And it's not even so much that I was laid off as it was how they did it. Cold and unfeeling, like we were pieces of trash they were throwing out because we were no longer useful. Lot they know.

I was not a superstar, I didn't have a degree or a wall full of certificates. But I made really angry members laugh by the time we got off the phone. And I probably knew more about membership than anyone left in membership. I spent 17 of my 18 years there. And if I didn't know the answer, I knew who to go to.

So as you can tell, this has been one of the less than pleasant days. Having to deal with each thing I have to deal with brings to mind the reason I'm dealing with it and I get pissed off all over again. And I expect that will continue to happen until everything is completed.

But, then again, maybe not.


  1. Dona,
    Walmart did a dastardly, dishonorable thing by the way they handled the layoffs, especially for long time employee’s like yourself. Understand it will take a while for you to recover. Grief is a process and how you were betrayed created grief, believing that some handful of weeks to recover from it isn’t being realistic. Give yourself permission to grieve, just don’t make it a permanent location!
    “Retirement” is something that is an adjustment for all of us… it’s scary not having that paycheck come in and to trust that things will work out. It also can leave us feeling at “loose ends”, so make a plan, create a list of things you always wanted to do and never had the time/energy… then start whittling away on the list.
    Love you my friend and if/when you want to talk, like my voice message said, I’m here.
    Carol Knowles

  2. I love Carol's advice! I wholeheartedly agree. Hugs sissy!